I'm trying my best not to inherit my fathers anger

Before anything, let me get one thing straight. I love my father, he puts food on the table, he works hard and is probably the funniest person I know.

That said.

He has a toxic temper. I don't know where it comes from but he has this inane itch deep inside him that any chance he can be angry he takes it and I know it for a fact. Sometimes when he gets angry at me because of something I did, I can't do anything else to avoid his anger. 

If I apologize, he'd stare angrily at me and he'll tell me I'm not genuinely sorry. 

If I become confused of why he's angry (because sometimes the things he gets angry about is incredibly small and petty i.e shouting at his whole family to disconnect from the wifi rather than asking nicely or just sounding urgent but not mad) he'd tell me I'm acting dumb or I am dumb or have no brains (sometimes he'll say that directly to me).

And If I try to explain that I did nothing wrong he'd sarcastically tell me that I'm a know-it-all, that I have all the answers and belittle me in the process. There's no way out.

I was always scared of his temper when I was a kid, but that was understandable, I was a kid and sometimes I was annoying, naughty or bad and he needed to discipline me and sometimes even harshly.

But as I grew up, I realized that his temper knew no age, it came to a head recently when he was cooking something and left it for my mom to look after because he had a meeting on zoom BUT my mom ALSO had a meeting on zoom, keep in mind she was a manager at the company she works at and her meeting consisted of employees below her and her bosses. 

I came down and smelled that whatever my dad was cooking was burning, my mom didn't notice because she was in a meeting. 

I didn't want to bother her so I went to my dad and told him this and he went absolutely BALLISTIC. He went down and started shouting angrily at my mom for letting the food get burned, telling her that he was in a meeting and then he started throwing a tantrum in the pots and pan.

Over. Burnt. Food.

It didn't catch on fire or something, not even totally burnt, it just got a little too hotter than it was supposed to and my dad screamed and shouted at my mom in full earshot of all the employees and bosses that respected my mom and I have no idea why she didn't mute herself to calm my dad down. What she did was admirable but a bit sad, she laughed it off, she acted like my dad was a child throwing a tantrum as she laughed it off to her co-workers while my dad was still shouting at her.

Eventually I calmed him down telling him the food was still good and mom was in a FUCKING meeting just like you were (said that in my head).

But when I witnessed that, I saw myself in the future doing that to my future wife and having my future child see that. What scared me was how normal it was for my mom, she didn't get scared or (what I wanted her to be) angry at my dad for disrespecting her in front of her co-workers. She was so used to my dad's anger, that her love for him made her understand him that that was normal.

And that's not romantic. I don't ever want to do that to my future wife, to condition her so much to my anger that she'll feel it's normal for me to disrespect her because she loves me.

And believe me I'm trying to not ever inherit my dad's anger because it is powerful.

I've also shouted at my mom, I've screamed at my brother and wished he was never born OVER A VIDEO GAME and I fought my classmates out of anger two days IN A ROW. SEPERATE CLASSMATES. 

I always thought that my anger was just because people made me angry but when I kept experiencing my father's anger, I saw the similarities on how we get mad and I concluded that it was wrong.

And what's worse is that he has a huge case of hypocrisy mixed in with his temper and I think think it's one of the factors that makes his anger worse because he doesn't see himself in us as much as we see ourselves in him. 

When he shouts at me every time I fuck up, shout at my mom or make my brother cry, he forgets all the time that he fucks up or shouts at my mom and make my brother cry (which he has).

I want to understand him. I've tried.

My best guess was from his childhood. My grandfather died when my dad was only 10 years old and that young he had to work and essentially one of the breadwinners in his family of a single mom and 5 siblings where he felt that he was unappreciated because of my grandmothers favoritism. 

And they were incredibly poor, so much so that my father ate farm beetles and rice with salt most of the time.

But don't worry, he has a happy ending. He worked his ass off and made a name of himself, he put himself through college, He's now manager at his company, a manager of a basketball team, a family that loves him and he hasn't forgotten his duties to his entire family as he helped put through some of my cousins through college and gave them jobs in the company he works in.

But despite all that, I have to remember that he didn't have a proper father figure growing up, had to work instead of having a true childhood, neglected in his own family and my guess is maybe, just MAYBE, he feels that he worked so hard for everything he has in life that if anything doesn't go his way, it's unfair and he becomes angry.

Which is I understand but is still not a good excuse to treat everybody or see anybody beneath you and get angry at them for no reason. Because no matter how hard you worked in your life, it never gives you the permission to think that people are indebted to you or should be thankful for the good things you do for them and become angry at them when they don't act the way you want to.

My dad gets angry and I don't want that for me.

I want to be everything else my dad is; A family man, incredibly funny and gives and helps anyone despite of who they are. I love him.

But not his temper. Not that anger. It ruined with me too much as a child and I don't want that for my child.